Two Birds  With One Stone

by John Haley
For this second issue of The Ambrosia Times we wanted to have some sort of contest. Something a little different then the usual “High Score” arcade contest. Something distinctly Ambrosia. We also are getting rather tired of having Hector around. He was bad enough before last issues interview, but the instant fame has gone straight to his little head. Hector now lords himself around the office as if he owns the place. He also has developed a pretty mean fast ball. Pitching seeds and stuff out of his cage with deadly accuracy, he has become a downright nuisance.

Although Andrew is devoted to Hector, and considers him one of his closest confidants, Cajun and I have to deal with him on a daily basis. Ambrosia has recently installed Apple Talk Remote Access™ and Andrew has been doing a lot of work from home. So the lowly office staff is left under Hector’s supervision. And let me tell you, he rules with an iron beak.

So Cajun and I are plotting his untimely demise. It may be time for Hector to fly up to that great rain forest in the sky. After much discussion, Cajun and I have decided that Hector’s future should be on the dinner table. Although both accomplished chefs in our own minds, we can not agree on  how best to prepare our finely feathered friend for dinner. Cajun would prefer to boil him like a crawdad, spending the afternoon listening to Hector’s vocabulary gradually diminish on the inside of a large kettle. I personally feel that Hector is a tough old bird, and a proper amount of tenderizing would be needed in order to guarantee a fine dining experience. Not being able to reach a compromise between kettle cooking and mallet mashing we turn to you, Ambrosia’s faithful following.

So here is the contest: whoever provides us with the most appetizing Hector recipe will be declared the winner. Sorry, no second or third place prizes; we only have one parrot. Please include serving instructions, recommended side dishes and an appropriate wine.

The grand prize will be a stuffed parrot (real or replica, you make the call). Yes, we are serious. Ambrosia's field agents are scouring the countryside for appropriate plumage as this issue hits the virtual news stands.

All animal rights activists and others similarly inclined to spare the bird please click here.